marriage & communication

I had an excellent discussion with my wife this morning. About 2 months ago we decided to sit down every Friday morning and talk for about an hour. We are typically interrupted around 7am by our son Jackson who wakes up right around then, but we have been pretty consistant and it has become a very enjoyable time which I look forward to every week. We are still refining the routine and are currently going to read different books which we can then tell each other about. Our first book we read together, Chosen By God by RC Sproul; and we are about finished with it. Going forward she is going to read Humility by CJ Mahaney... I have already read this book and frankly it is one of the best books I have ever read. I am not sure what I will read next. It will probably be either Foxe's Book of Martyr's or Knowing Scripture by RC Sproul. We shall see.

But the point I just wanted to make is that Friday mornings have become an exceptionally enjoyable small additive to our routine. It forces us to sit down with no distractions and talk about each other, the kids, our week, and our relationship with the Lord. For example, this morning Jennie asked me if I have been struggling with anything or if anything has really encouraged me this week. That question prompted an entire discussion about lust, temptation, and internet. Basically I have been easily tempted the last few months to look at "suggestive" photos. While pornography has not so much been the problem, God has convicted me of sexual immorality of the mind, and blessed me with friends who hold me accountable. In fact, Boone's Minds like Meat post about a month ago was incredibly convicting and encouraging on this subject. Jennifer and I then discussed how "suggestive photos" affect men and women in the area of lust. Men's temptations are obvious, and women's are as well allthough they typically go unnoticed (when women see pictures of girls in bikinis on the internet they often lust after looking like the girl in the picture which is bad for all kinds of reasons).

Anyway, the point is that communication is important. Jennifer and I have been through alot together and part of our sanctification process required some brutal honesty with each other where we were very open about our primary sin issues. This paved the way for ongoing, healthy, non-threatening, and natural conversations about these sin issues. We need to know when we need to really be praying for one another in these areas. True intimacy cannot be attained in marriage when one party hides major sin issues from another. Pride and deceit are spawned in individuals and a marriage when one attempts to hide sin.

Here are some quotes that have encouraged me in this thought process. I hope and pray that all husbands who love the Lord are able to be broken before the Lord and open with their chief accountability parnter... their wife.

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

“God does not allow His children to sin successfully.” -Charles H. Spurgeon

“Family is the most significant place where you live out your faith.” -John MacArthur

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.” -Einstein

“No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth.” -Nathaniel Hawthorne

and this last one is good to remember if you need to have a heart-to-heart with your spouse in order to get this process going:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” - Matthew 7: 1-2

By His Grace